Pointers and Setters by George N. Skidis, Jr.

Pointers and Setters by George N. Skidis, Jr.

Pointers and Setters. In today’s cultural bathroom war we must realize that there are only two types of contestants. These are Pointers and Setters.

Pointers and Setters a Man’s Viewpoint

As a guy it has come to my attention that whenever I need to use a public restroom for “Dual” duty. A pointer has most often preceded my arrival and sprayed everything within sight. Sort of like a dog marking his territory. Having worked in a liquor store in the 1970’s with a one size fits all facility for customers and a mostly female staff, no survey is needed to know what women want. Not even a Mel Gibson movie. Women want a safe environment that includes a clean and dry seat in the fully locked and down position. What they want is exactly the opposite of your tray table when the plane is landing.

Guys pay attention to this. When you raise the seat to be polite, you will still be called unseemly things if you don’t put it back down. Women insist that you to put it back down! In fact they demand it. For you married gentlemen the couch is your only other option here.

Pointers and Setters Rule #1

For the sake of hygiene, women do not want pointers soiling the surface in their Sanctum Sanctorum. My apologies to the chosen few who know what this actually means, no religious insult is intended. According to my cousin Dave of the seven sisters, women actually stand upon the actual seat to avoid germs. As an only child, I really didn’t have a clue about this.

My wife raised our daughters, and I would still be clueless about women standing on the seat except for the following.

Pointers and Setters Broken Water Closets

After being honorably discharge from the Marines in 1977, I worked as a maintenance man at the County Courthouse. The porcelain thrones were wall mounted contraptions. These elevated ivory gods were well made and totaled about 25 or so scattered across the five floors of the building. However, at least once every month or so one of the Oval Offices in the ladies room was ripped from its mounting brackets and left dangling precariously.  This collapse allowed both fresh water and other ingredients full throttle access to begin assailing female footwear and creeping across the floor. The reason for the occurrence of this problem, my cousin Dave of the seven sisters was right. Women stand upon these Superbowls and then squat placing their full weight upon the vertical wall brackets. This type of damage never happened in the men’s room.

Pointers and Setters Rule #2

The facilities should be bolted to the floor and self supporting. Save the wall mounts for Flat Screen Televisions. All stalls for sitters should have safety hand rails on at least three sides to assist the fairer sex and those that identify with them in their Mount Everest endeavors.

Now it seems that the “Sign” upon the door has become offensive to some.

A few years ago there was a discussion about Male Lesbians, will they be accommodated?

Pointers and Setters Rule #3

There should only be two types of gender neutral restrooms. One with a sign saying “Pointers” and rows and rows of urinals or troughs. If you choose to identify as a pointer, spray away. These rooms should be open to everyone who wants to accept the vertical challenge. Male, female, trans-gendered whatever. None of my business.

The other restroom should have a sign saying “Setters”. Secure closets with real doors, locking handles and floor to ceiling walls around each “Throne of Occupation”. Anyone who gets caught pointing in this area will be fined $10.00 plus the cost of hiring someone to clean up behind their filthy self. Properly enforced there will no longer be any mis-directional, Agent Orange type, chemical over-spray. We must say NO to wet toilet seats.

Pointers and Setters Rule #4

Each gender neutral restroom should also include a lobby area for those in line and the family members wanting to protect their children from the occasional pedophile. Flat screen TVs (Wall mounted of course) and a real billiards table like the one in the men’s room at Shoji Tabuchi’s theater in Branson, Missouri would be a plus.

Speaking of the men’s room at Shoji Tabuchi’s Theater, many years ago my Uncle Karl beat me there. Oh, I guess I should clarify he beat me at Billiards. There is no sense letting any rumors getting started about this incident.  He beat me at BILLIARDS.

Pointers and Setters Rule #5

Parents of either gender should accompany their children at all times. This is not a statement about sexual orientation. It is a statement about safety. People can and will identify with whatever gender they choose. Their decision is none of my business.

The problem is predators. Predators will look for a way to take advantage of the situation, and that Ladies and Gentlemen is what this restroom discussion should really be about. Preventing rape and the abuse of children is what this discussion should really be about.

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